Random Thoughts For February 22nd 2011

Sometimes I wish I was a streetcar so I could lay on my horn whenever someone was in my way. Sometimes "excuse me" doesn't quite fit the bill when all I really want to yell is "move faster you god damn slow walkers!!!!!!"

Roll up the Rim is back...guarantee someone will find a winning cup in a garbage can or on the street and it will be all over the news. This happens every year. It's not news. Some people are dumb and forget to roll up the rim and other people are smart/creepy/desperate and roll up the rims of cups they find in the garbage. Does anyone else find it pathetic that we celebrate the accomplishments of garbage pickers every spring in Canada?

The What If Game

Sometimes life throws you unexpected curves that make you question everything you believe. I truly believe everything happens for a reason. But lately I have a lot of great opportunities and options placed in front of me and I don't know which ones to pick. I keep finding myself playing the what if game.

What if I can't find a new job? What if I pick the wrong job? What if I break a heart? What if I get my heart broken? What if I make new friends? What if I lose a good friend? What if I go broke? What if I Deadmau5 decides to hire me? What if I ditch Toronto for Dublin or Miami?

When you believe things happens for a reason you're not supposed to play the what if game. I think it's a symptom of not knowing what I want. I've gone through my entire life always knowing exactly what direction I was going in. Finding a career has always been my main goal. Now that I've accomplished that goal I feel like I'm in a holding pattern until I figure out what's next.

I need to find a goal to focus on until at least July 2012. That's when Steph's wedding is and it offers the perfect opportunity to start fresh again in Toronto or abroad. It also gives me some time to figure out what I really want from life.

I'm a big picture kind of girl. Short term goals are definitely not my speciality. So, I need some help. Any suggestions universe?

Sometimes I Think I Could Burn

One thing I've learned from having a personal trainer is the importance of switching your work out routine up every 6 weeks or so. I have been training for just over three months and have gone through two different types of training.

The first 6 weeks formed a foundation for working with weights and the type of movements that I will be doing as I complete my training program. The next 6 weeks I was focusing on building muscle mass with lots of weight and less reps.

As of this week I'm in burn period. This is the weight loss part of program. It's pretty much an intense hour of cardio which leaves me drenched in sweat, trying to catch my breath and desperate for a shower and some water.

The goal:  lose 10-12 pounds in the next six weeks.

The plan:

-  I have three sessions a week so I need to make them all, work hard and don't complain. Complaining has gotten me into trouble a few times. I'm a whiner, I can't help it. I think this is because whiner rhymes with Kleiner.

- I should add some extra cardio in there. the plan is to hit the gym with my ipod and earphones (good music is key) and sweat it out on the stair master at least one additional time a week. It's funny once you start going to the gym a lot it really doesn't feel like an inconvenience. The thought of going a few extra times a week actually makes me pretty happy. The best part of going outside a session is that I can go whenever I want!

- I must eat right! My nutrition has not been very good since Halloween. It's incredibly shameful. It was already my intention to get back on track and the burn is just some good motivation.  Alcohol is out for the next 6 weeks and so is cheese. I don't need either of those things. Although, I do enjoy them I think I can live without them. It's just a matter of will power. The other goal is no carbs after 2pm. This one is going to be more challenging. I can normally do it for a week and then I get desperate for some bread with dinner.

They say failing to plan is planning to fail so hopefully sticking to these three key points will help me to reach or exceed my goal.

A Year of Deadmau5 - Part 2

I took this from Deadmau5's facebook.
Cool people "like" him http://www.facebook.com/deadmau5

It was reading week in February. The Olympics had just started and I was driving home with my dad. We were just around the corner from my house listening and Sirius Satellite Radio on the top 40 station. They were doing a count down and Selena Gomez was the guest announcer.  I so vividly remember looking at the green letters on the  display that read artists: Deadmau5 song: Ghosts 'n' Stuff.

As Selena introduced the song she dropped some pretty key facts about the mau5, " Here's Joel Zimmerman or Deadmau5, The 28 year old DJ sensation from Toronto is taking the world by storm with his smash hit Ghosts 'n' Stuff" 

This was my first time hearing a mau5 song that wasn't Move For Me and it was only on for 20 seconds before we got out of the car, but I knew instantly his music was for me.  

I went into the house to watch Olympic coverage well into the night.  It must have been three in the morning when CTV showed some live footage of Deadmau5 show in Van City. It took me a few minutes to even register what they had shown. Flashing lights and someone on stage wearing a blue mouse mask didn't exactly fit the whole sports theme they had going on. It was late and my mind wasn't putting a+b together until I check my computer. 

I was downloading mau5's complete discography, and as soon as it was done I immediately a) realized that brief clip was Joel in action and b) listened to Ghosts 'n' Stuff. 

I'm pretty sure I've listened to that song on average once a day since. 

2010: Epic Epicness

You know that saying that implies that how you spend new years will be how you spend the rest of your year... Yeah, I always thought that was bullshit but in 2010 in tuned out to be true. Indulge me as I pay tribute to 2010…the best year of my life (or just stop reading, your choice).

Highlights in chronological order according to my memory:

New Years: Circa night club with Steph and Ray – I’m pretty sure that place doesn’t exists anymore.

new years

End of January: The Diva’s (my group of amazing girl friends from high school) all get together for the first time in 5 years. I truly miss them and it’s sad that we aren’t super close anymore but I’m thankful for cellphones and facebook which let me keep in touch with them as much as possible.

Beginning of March: Muse concert with “obstructed seats” which turned out to be amazing seats and cheap. Matt Bellamy and co knocked my socks off and I bought all their albums that I did not already have (which was most of them).

Middle of March: One of my best friends and I had a big falling out. We didn’t speak for 8 months but on her birthday I sent her a message. A few days later were hitting a dance floor on St. Patrick’s day and now we’re like two peas in a pod again.

End of March: Steph and I went to see David Guetta at the Guvernment. This event marked a big shift in my life. It was the first time I was truly exposed to house music/dj/rave culture and I fell in love. The Guv plays a role in many happy memories in 2010.

April: hey look there’re leaves on the trees and Kaskade is at This is London. Tickets are $35 bucks so Steph and I are there. Took some great photos of us that night.

May: My favourite late night talk show host was prohibited from appearing on television but that didn't stop me from seeing him at Massy Hall. 

I'm With Coco

June: Finally finished classes at Humber. I decide to take an internship at a music school. This is probably one of the best decisions I have ever made. I love that school, the staff, the kids, and what it stands for. Music means the world to me and I truly believe everyone should have access to high quality music education.

July: July was going to the be the most epic month ever. It didn’t go exactly as planned but it was still amazing!

July 1^st: Steph and I see Deadmau5 for the first time ever at the Guv. The cube was there and in full force. Unfortunately we got separated so while we didn’t get to experience it together but we still had an amazing time.

Deadmau5 on June 30th

One week later Steph and I are back together at the Lady GaGa show. Girl puts on a wicked show and Elton John was there.

Lady Gaga

The week after that I was supposed to see u2 three times but Bono’s back injury pushed the entire north American leg of the tour back a year. Whatever, 2011 will be full of u2 goodness.  I was also supposed to see Simon and Garfunkel but that got cancelled all together. I’m truly disappointed about that, it would have been a great night with my father.

End of July: I must say I’m not a fan of Bon Jovi, but I have friends who are in a Bon Jovi tribute band. I went to every one of their shows for almost a year so when real Bon Jovi rolled into town I figured it should see the real thing. It sucked. Concerts should just not happen at the Roger’s Centre unless the roof is open.

Bon Jovi @ The Roger's Centre

Middle of August: Freya and Claire return from India after 8 months. We celebrate by going to see John Mayer at the Molson Amphitheatre. He’s such a douche bag and it really distracts from his talent. Maybe next time you're here you should spend more time playing music and less time on twitter and talking about how hot you are. That’s not what I paid for!

End of August: I win free tickets to a private Brandon Flowers show at the modclub. Thanks Virgin Mobile. Crossfire is one of my favourite songs from 2010.

Beginning of September: The girls and I move into our new apartment in Chinatown. I LOVE LIVING DOWNTOWN.

Middle of September: The kids at RPSM get asked to perform Another Brick in the Wall with Roger Waters for 3 sold out shows at the ACC. I was lucky enough to play a small role in making a dream come true for our kids and watching a legend at work.

Fear Builds Walls

End of September: I make a decision to get a personal trainer for a year instead of paying off my student loan. This is the best decision I have ever made. My trainer pushes me not only to be a better athlete, but a healthier and happier person. I’ve never been as consistently happy and I’m sure that  exercise  plays a big role in that.

October: Yo October, you were more amazing than July.

First week of October: Steph and I drive out to London to see Deadmau5 at Western’s Homecoming. This tent party was sweet. Getting into a minor accident with my dads car and asshole western boys were not. $500.00 later the car is fixed and I can say deadmau5’s mom likes my shirt.

Deadmau5 @ Westerns Homecoming

Second week of October: Thanksgiving turkey and Calvin Harris at the Guvernment. Got love for you if you were born in the 80s.

Third week of October: Kaskade was at the government. I was there, but I don’t remember it and that’s why I won’t drink that much ever again.

Kaskade takes over the Guvernment

November was pretty laid back. The biggest highlight was graduation.

December: Happy 23^rd birthday to me. Jodi made me an amazing Deadmau5 cake. Then on boxing day I saw the mau5 himself at the guv and the last show of 2010 was definitely the best.  

I can’t wait for a relaxing new years. 2010 you were amazing. I hope 2011 is just as great or even better. 

Birthday Turkey

Today is Christmas Eve and in my family that means it's turkey day! 

Christmas Eve also happens to be my Father's birthday. So we do our big family Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve, then presents in the morning and everyone goes to the significant other's family for dinner on Christmas Day. In my case this often means watching movies in my basement and chowing down on all my stocking chocolate. Personally, I think this is a better option then in law visiting. Yey, spinsterhood. 

My Dad and I both have December birthdays. I was actually due on Christmas Day, but my mom was going to stroke out if they didn't rip me out of her. So on December 9th she had a C Section and I entered the world as a fussy, vomiting Christmas gift.  

I am so thankful that I almost killed my mother as a fetus. Two weeks before Christmas means that people acknowledge my birthday as its own event. As a selfish child that meant I got two sets of presents. As a selfish adult that means I get to choose what I want for my birthday dinner. On the other hand my poor father has no say. Every year it's the same: Turkey, Chocolate Cake and Apple Pie. Don't get me wrong, our Christmas dinner is probably the most delicious meal we have all year, but I somehow doubt it is the meal he would choose if his birthday was June 24th instead of December 24. 

Unfortunately your birth date is the one thing in your life you have zero control over. So happy birthday Daddy. May we have plenty of turkey dinners in our future!!

Much love, 

Kendra.

Am I A Bitch?

Asking am I a bitch is like asking a rhetorical question? The obvious answer is yes.

Don't get me wrong I am an incredibly kind and caring person, but I'm also opinionated, kind of awkward and oddly confident. That combination often gets mistranslated into "bitch."

This most often comes out when someone gives me complements.

some examples:

friend: "hey Kendra, you look really good today!" "
me: "Yeah, I know eh. Thanks..."

friend: "I really like spending time with you."
me: "Good. You should."
(side note: this one is particularly bad, because as the words come out of my mouth I already feel bad for not saying 'I really like you too' and then continue to feel bad for not saying it a while but do not express this because the moment has passed.)

friend: "did you change your hair?..It looks good"
me: "Obviously."

trainer: "That was a great set!"
me: "I think we can all agree, 'great' is a bit of an overstatement...let's just say 'better'."

Most people have problems accepting complements. Sometimes I feel like I'm almost too good at accepting them. I'm always thankful and appreciative of the complements I receive, but I wonder if other people recognize it. I think I need to work on having more grace and poise when responding.

What's My Age Again?

Today is my 23rd birthday. To celebrate I'll be editing my bio and listening to some blink182.

Training Torture.

"Good job," he said to me with a smirk and a slight laugh.

I'm hunched over trying to catch my breath and resisting the temptation to collapse on the floor. I've just lunged the length of the gym and back with 70 lbs on my back. I want to die. I hate lunges. He knows it and he takes great satisfaction in making me do them.

I think you have to be slightly sadistic to be a personal trainer. How many other careers can you think of where the sign of a good job is your clients pain filled groans as they push their bodies to move large amounts of weight?

I also think you have to be a slight masochist to want a personal trainer. While there are great payoffs to working out this way that hour can feel like absolute torture at times. Especially when the words "drop set" are mentioned in the first five minutes of the session.

I've committed to do this for a year. The goal - "dream body." Whatever that means. I better look hot and toned, but not scary toned like Madonna.

The first six weeks were a warm up. The foundation stage , as it was called, was composed of exercises that followed "primal movements." Last session we entered a build period. Let the real training begin. Heavier weight and less reps will start to build my muscles and I should start to see results.

I might overdose on protein getting there though.

The New Work Out Plan

a sign you spend to much time at the gym.

when walking home from the lcbo with a six pack in each hand you must resist the temptation to do lunges down Spadina Avenue. 

I'm not so good at this blogging thing.

Alright Blog, I admit it, I suck.

I've outright failed at my attempt to blog on a consistent basis.

but when one fails you must pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again.

So here I ago. with an attempt to blog more often.

In September I nabbed a six month internship funded by the CCCO (otherwise known as Work in Culture).

Little did I know that another Intern at Canada's National Ballet School would have the bright idea to host a little conference to get all us interns and mentors together.

Yesterday we all gathered at the beautiful NBS on Jarvis and I was fortunate to meet some pretty cool people.

One being Karen Whaley, who inspired me to start blogging again by talking about her own blogs http://www.sayitwithpie.com/ and http://www.bemoreblog.com/ the latter which is about her personal training journey. I will be reading it with interest since I've also recently started on that journey. I'm sure we'll share some laughs.

To networking and forming meaningful connections (Margaret would be proud).

It's been a while.

Hey Blog.

I've missed you. But I've been incredibly busy.

I had billed July to be the best month ever. Well it didn't go exactly as I had envisioned but it was still pretty awesome.  Here's a brief recap.

Concerts

• bad news first:  I was supposed to go to 8 concerts this month but only went to three: all 3 u2 concerts were rescheduled for next summer, Simon and Garfunkel was cancelled and I sold my black eye peas tickets.
• Good news: I got to go to three concerts! 
• Deadmau5 at the koolhau5 on Canada Day eve! PS: Joel Zimmerman is my future husband!
• Lady Gaga 
• Bon Jovi

Career

• I'm enjoying my internship and have a few solid job prospects for September. Can't ask for more then that.
• I got an article published as well! goo me. Read it Here

Personal

• Moving to Chinatown in September!
• Was on two radio talk shows and in the newspaper. Why you ask? Click here

So blog. I'm sorry I've neglected you. I'll try to write more frequently in the future. I'll make it up to with sharing a video from Lady Gaga!

Sexually Frustrated Kitty.

Meet Felix.

Felix is my room mates cat who we first fostered than adopted from Toronto Cat Rescue.

He is pretty much the most awesome cat ever. With One exception.

He is the most sexually frustrated cat I've ever met. He's fixed yet still randy all the time. To make matters worse he's developed an attraction for my right arm? whhhhhyyyyyyyyyyy?


He's constantly trying to hump my arm. I'm constantly (gently) throwing him off. It's weird! I guess it's good practice for when I eventually have a boyfriend to reject?

Anyways, in December, as always, I got a stuffed animal in my stocking. At 22, I'm a little old for stuffed animal, but hey it's a nice tradition and they are normally Christmas themed and are good decorations.

This year I got a polar bear. ahhhh idea! I'll give it to Felix and he'll hump it instead. 

Crazy enough, the idea worked. He moved on from my arm. That was until I cleaned my room at put the bear  away. Clearly,  I wasn't thinking.

The other day, I'm chilling out on my bed, surfing the internet as usual, and felix attempts to mount up.

"Felix. STOP IT. I gaaaavveee you a stuffed animal for that!"

But as I look at the floor of my room I realize the animal is not there. I get up, go to my closet, pull it off the shelf and throw it on the floor.

Felix goes from looking sad and lonely on my bed to ecstatic as he jumps off and goes to town on poor polar bear.

Is it wrong that I've given my cat a masturbatory aid? I just feel bad for the poor guy.

My Personal Brand is U2

One of the first people learn about me is my deep love for U2. The music created by Adam, Bono, Edge and Larry inspires, comforts and defines my life on a daily basis.

Defining Smaller is a perfect example. The main picture of the CN Tower was taken at the U2 concert on September 16th 2009. You can see the edge of stage on the left hand side of the picture. Moreover, I've already mentioned Bono a bunch of time and this is only my tenth post. 

I'm proud of my wealth of knowledge about the band and the things I've accomplished because of their inspiration. It's easy for me to talk about and allows for easy conversation when talking with relative strangers.

When a new connection finds out about U2 and I it sparks a range of questions that allow for easy engagement:

Why U2?

Honestly I don't know. It started in high school because I loved the songs Beautiful Day and Elevation. I stole my sisters Best of 1990-2000 and The Joshua Tree and the rest is history

Favourite song?

In A Little While 

Favourite Album?

Achtung Baby!

Favourite member?

Adam Clayton

How many times have you seen them live? twice in 2005 and twice in 2009.

Even if the person I'm talking to hate U2 or hates Bono it allows me to 

engage in easy and interesting conversation. Normally, I ask why and listen to them with interest. I don't expect everyone to love what I do and respect their opinions (unless they Bono bash without a decent reason).

Most of the time people I talk to have the same passion for another artist. If that passion is there, it's easy to make a meangiful and memorable connect with someone that could transform into a great friendship. 

Defining Smaller

For those of you who don't sprechen sie duetch the direct translation of Kleiner in english is Smaller.

Hense the name Defining Smaller.

This blog not only defines who I am but it defines the way I see the world - smaller.

ahhh so the the blog title has a double meaning.

I honestly believe the world is small. Do you know the game six degree's of separation from Kevin Bacon.  You can pretty much apply that same theory to anyone in the world. Is there someone you want to meet ? Use your network to make it happen. Be creative, be consistent, and be nice to people and you'll be surprised and how high up you can climb. From there everything will look smaller, but if you treat the world below you as if it was larger then life you will always be a success.

As Bono once said "Dream up the kind of world you want to live in. Dream out loud at high volume".  Go after your dreams, anything is possible and don't forget to thank the people who help you along the way.

Kinky or Straight

Being a girl and living in Southern Ontario means that weather effects every decision you could possibly make - including how to style your hair.  

If you're lucky you either have straight hair or curly hair. The kind of hair that is easy wash and wear and looks perfect without much struggle.  

If your like me, you have hair that falls in between. Not quite curly, not quite straight. It kinks, bends and frizzes in ways that are just completely unfortunate and difficult to control.  


However, depending on the time of year and weather there are solutions.  

I love winter, because I can wear my hair straight. In my opinion this is when it looks it's best. I also find hat hair an excellent excuse not to curl my hair. While straightening can be a ton of work, taking the time to blow out my hair with a round brush dramatically cuts down the straightening time. And the results last. I normally only have to style my hair once every three days in the winter. 

This is not the case in the summer. While living on Lake Ontario is amazing, the humidity it causes is not. My hair is uncontrollable in the summer. I have just accepted this fact this year. For summer of 2010 I am giving up my beloved hair straightener.

It'll be an adventure filled with mouse and many showers all in the efforts to achieve the perfect curls and perfect the process so they turn out that way every morning and last all day. wish me luck - I'm going to need it.

What Is Happiness To You?

I’m lying here thinking about happiness. What is it really? I feel it’s a truly unsustainable emotion. I often feel like true happiness – the kind that makes you feel like you are floating through life as if you are a balloon is just an illusion. For me it has never lasted more then a few weeks before the balloon bursts and I come crashing back to earth. Sometimes that fall to reality can be harsher then others. It really depends on what causes said happiness.

For example the happiness attainted from seeing my favourite musicians live is strongest during that 90-120 minutes they are on stage – but crash isn’t really bad - and on bad days, pictures, video’s and bootlegs of said show can be a real pick me up. For me those memories are so strong they don’t feel real – remembering isn’t enough. It’s as if I just daydreamed it. Actual physical proof reminds me that I did live the dream. The same with goes with vacations and travel.

However, the happiness experience when it comes from lust or love is harder to get over. Relationships torture and torment us in many ways and yet we still feel they are worth it – worth the risk of that crash when it doesn’t work out. Sometimes it can take months, or years to get over the demise of a former love. We swear – never again - and eventually some other individual winds their way into your life that makes you think it’s worth the risk. Even when relationships run smoothly – the honeymoon stage ends eventually and all you’re left with is contentment at best.


Which brings me to my main thought – nobody searches and strives for a life of contentment – everyone wants a life of happiness. But perhaps if we all strived for a life of contentment instead of happiness we’d all be a little happier. Maybe we set the goal to high with the expectation of constant happiness and when we don’t experience it – we end up feeling worse about our lives. You may think I’m just playing with semantics but I truly believe there is a big difference between happiness and contentment.

Isn’t it better to experience the stability of contentment vs. the emotional roller coaster of life spent in pursuit of the happiness high? For me it is. I haven’t experienced that extreme feeling of happiness for a quite a while and I think I’m better off for it. I am very please with were my life is at the moment. I have a great internship – amazing friends and family who make me feel appreciated, loved and respected – and a direction in life. I feel like I can’t ask much more then that.

So I wondered - Why don’t I feel happier? That’s when I realized that I’m not unhappy – not at all. But happiness isn’t how I would describe my current disposition – I am content, and I am extremely happy about that. 

Dream Out Loud: Setting Goals

Today as I made my morning commute to class I picked up a copy of the Toronto Metro. Sitting at the back the bus I browsed my way through the paper. I glanced at my horoscope and couldn’t help but smile.

Under Sagittarius it read:

By all means set yourself new goals. By all means aim high. But don’t aim for perfection. For that can never be reached.

 

As I previously mentioned I am an extremely goal oriented person and I’ve always met my goals. 

For example: When I was 12 years old I decided I wanted to go to Queen’s University in Kingston, ON. I graduated from Queen’s in 2009 with a BA in Global Development Studies. During my second year of university I decided I wanted to be a Fundraiser.  Now I am just a few weeks away from completing my Post Graduate Certificate in Fundraising and Volunteer Management.

For the first time in my life I lack clear goals. That is aside from the obvious vague goals that most of society has: find a job, keep a job and maybe find a significant other. And my goal block couldn’t come at a worst time.

I’ve been reading many books about networking. Currently I’m reading Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi. In chapter three of his book Ferrazzi describes the importance of having clear goals and understanding how to meet them by using a three-year matrix in which you outline your goals and sub goals and the people you will network with to help you accomplish all these goals.

He states the importance of sharing your goals with others. Apparently this will help you stay more focused on the task at hand. I can’t help but believe this to be true. I was very vocal with my friends and family about my earlier mentioned goals and accomplished them with little difficulty.

So blog readers (if you are out there) here are 4 personal goals I have to share with you.

 

  1: To gain at least 5 followers of this blog by the end of June.

  2: To find a house to live in that I love for reasonable rent by August.

  3: Find away to attend Toronto Raptors games for free or pay by October.

  4: To dance on stage with Bono in the summer of 2011.

Notice how all my goals have dates attached to them. Ferrazzi argues without a deadline a goal is only a dream. Dreams are often expendable, while my last two goals may seem like I’m living on dream land, they are very important to me and by giving them deadlines I am more likely to stay focused on meeting my goal.

Everyone Wants To Be A Writer

All right. I will admit I’m a little late to this blogging thing.

That is not to say I haven’t attempted to start a blog before.

I have. I had zero followers. I wrote two posts, then I quit.

That trend ends here!

It’s time for some self-reflection in my life. It’s time to share my thoughts with the vast world of the Internet.

It’s time to start developing my personal brand.

My goal is to post an entry here every day for the next month. I would say year… but who am I kidding? Setting goals you can meet are essential for developing confidence. I know this because I am a goal oriented person. I have never set a realistic goal that I haven’t met.

Have you heard of Robert Kiyosaki? He’s the author of Rich Dad Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids About Money-That the Poor and the Middle Class Do Not!. A book that I’ve recently read and it has changed the way I think about life and money.

Robert says you shouldn’t work for money; money should work for you. So in your profession you work for money, but in your business money works for you.

In my case, my profession is Fundraiser.

My business? Well that’s less defined. I want my business to revolve around the entertainment industry (music and sports). I figure a good way to start making this my business is to write about it. Hell, I spend most of my days talking about entertainment anyway.

Now all that's left to do is sit back and enjoy the ride...